Love and Acceptance

What does it mean to love someone? For example, I've heard people say "how can I be part of a church that doesn't love gay people?" This is a very complex question, and it has no obvious answer. It reminds me a little bit of the questions that the pharisees asked Jesus in order to "trap Him in what He said." This question can't be easily answered correctly. Unlike the pharisees, many who ask this question do so out of sincerity. For those of us who really want an answer, let's break down the question a little bit and see what the scriptures say. I hope to help illuminate this difficult concern.

Defining Love

As a christian, Jesus Christ, is my ultimate example of love. During his ministry he showed his love to those around him. Among things He did to show his love, He healed the sick and forgave the sinners. He first provided us with a perfect example of love, then he told us "this is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater Love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15: 12-13). Christ tells us that we are to love as He loved, which might indicate that there are lesser and greater  ways to love. He puts love on a spectrum when he uses the superlative "greater." In other words, the strongest demonstration of love is to die to save someone else, which is in fact, exactly what Christ did when he gave up his life on the cross. What a perfect example He was to show His love not "in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth" (1 John 3:18). How often do we say things that we don't do, when Christ actually turned his word into deed. He demonstrated the ultimate love for all of human kind throughout his life and sealed by his death.

What kind of love then should we show to our brothers and sisters? Or to attempt to answer the question that started this, what kind of love should we show to people who experience same-sex attraction? I don't think we need to jump to the ultimate expression of love, laying down our life, because it's that's not always needful—thankfully. There are a lot of ways to show love while still living. But we should still look to Christ's example.

When I see Christ loving others in the scriptures, I see him doing a variety of things: listening, being there, encouraging, healing, teaching, serving, etc. All of it happened during personal interactions with people he knew. He didn't just talk about loving people. He stopped and looked around him, and loved people he could directly influence for the better.

I think, perhaps, this is why Paul counseled the Galatians to "love thy neighbour as thyself" (Galatians 5:14). Sure it's good to love people that we don't know or personally interact with, but it's more productive to love the people around us. That's actually the bigger challenge because it's easy to say we love X group of people, but it's harder to love the person next door who plays loud music, our sibling who annoys us, our in-laws who tell us how to parent, etc. The list of people who God has put in our lives are the very people He want's us to love most. That's where the true test of love is. For those of us who have family, friends, or neighbors who are gay, how do we treat them? If we're following God's example, then we will be caring, kind, and considerate. That's love.

Love is to serve those around you, both your friends and your enemies. It's to build them up when their down, strengthen them when their weak, and forgive them when they err. To love is a choice, and it's not always going to be easy. Sometimes the people we love the most can hurt us the most. Yet if we choose to forgive and love, then we will have "everlasting consolation" (2 Thessalonians 2:16). No matter what it looks like we should love, not just in word, but in action.

Understanding that love revolves around actions and interactions with God's children, it becomes clear that any true christian of course loves people who are gay. It doesn't matter who or what they do, we should love our neighbors as ourselves. The key is in recognizing that saying we love someone and loving someone are two different things, though often they are conflated. Not only are you under no obligation to say you love someone, you actually shouldn't do it. Here's why:

1. It may not be true. Remember love is actions, it is spending time with people, it is charity, etc. There are ways to help people you don't know through charity and volunteer work, but unless you're doing that your words are empty.
2. Saying you do something, whether it's true or not, allows pride to sneak in.

Satan is very sneaky. Satan wants us to feel proud of our righteousness, so we can begin to think we're better than the rest. We wants us to tell the world how loving, understanding, and virtuous we are, especially if it keeps us too busy to actually do any thing about it. Christ said "let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth" (Matthew 6:3). He was referring to giving alms to the poor, which is a great example of love. Then our "Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly" (Matthew 5:4). On the other hand, "hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward" (Matthew 5:2).

The scriptures are pretty clear about how we should love. Satan wants us to talk about loving people, but God wants us to show it.

Defining Church

So does the church love gay people? Well, whatever church you belong to, that church is a group of people. Probably a bunch of sinners who are trying to do their best. But how useful is that word "church"? As a label, it is a group of people who share beliefs. There may be people who attend a church who actively hate gay people... I'm an optimist, so I don't think that's true, but if it is, then we can't really say they're part of the church. They still have some things to learn to become a follower of Christ. Otherwise, they may be a wolf in sheep's clothing, as Christ warned us.

My church doesn't teach us to hate anyone, even our enemies. But love is far more than a claim. I'm part of my church. Do I love gay people? I know a few, and I've had great personal exchanges with them. Of course I don't hate them, but that doesn't mean I agree with their potential lifestyle choices. I could say the same of a chronic smoker or drinker, or someone addicted to pornography. My love for them, myself, or anyone means I want us to make choices that bring us closer to Christ, however difficult it may be.

Talking about Homosexuality

The elephant in the room is that homosexual behavior is taught in traditional Christian churches to be a grievous sin. It doesn't automatically mean you're a sinner if you struggle with same-sex attraction. God's not concerned with how you start your mortal experience, or what weaknesses you have, He's concerned with who you choose to obey. Marriage is ordained of God, and sexual intimacy is to be reserved for husband and wife through the bonds of marriage. This is God's law, and I believe it to be an eternal and endless law. Law is a good thing. Obedience to laws brings safety, and He promises us that obedience to His laws brings happiness.

I know that this topic has been taboo for years, and many of God's children have felt lonely, hated, and unlovable. This issue has not been handled perfectly, and despite the challenges life throws at us, I know that love and peace is found in Christ. He atoned not just for our sins and mistakes, but of those around us too. All we have to do is forgive as we have been forgiven by Him.

I know God created all of His children and He has a unique plan for each one of us in this life. Some of us struggle with uniquely difficult challenges, but God watches out for us. For those who struggle with same-sex attraction, He loves you. He really does. When we don't feel that love, and it will happen to all of us, we should turn closer to Him, not away. Don't leave the good shepherd's fold; open the scriptures and pray with a sincere heart and real intent. That's how we'll hear his loving voice. Then have hope, that despite our natural tendency to break God's commandments, we're not alone.

Paul taught "there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." In this lesson, there are two things to give us courage.

1. Sin is common to all God's children. We all have flaws and weaknesses that make the path of discipleship difficult. You're not alone.
2. God is strong and can help you escape any temptation, if you'll let him. He's right by your side, just waiting for you to need his help. You're not alone.

Yes, you're unique the way God made you, but you're also imperfect. Let Him keep forming and molding you until you become even as He is!

Perfect Love Unto Salvation

I believe that people who are gay can bring a lot of talents and perspectives to the church. Weaknesses can be strengths, wrote Paul. We can't assume that God will remove a temptation completely. Paul counseled that those weaknesses keep us humble. Maybe you can't "pray the gay away," but you can still be Christian and should still pray to God. If the temptation doesn't go away completely it doesn't mean a person who experiences same-sex attraction can't choose to follow Christ anyway.

Marriage as ordained by God can and should still be on the table whenever possible. God will bless those who obey His commandments. Those include the call to create bodies for His spirit children through the bonds of marriage between man and woman. Then raising up children in righteousness. "Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman with out the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11). Obeying that law, especially when it's hard, will bless you, your family, and your community.

You don't have to believe what I believe. Faith has to be earned individually, through a personal relationship with your Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ. But I know that obedience to God's laws brings blessings in this life and in the next. When we know that to be true, wouldn't we want to share that peace and happiness with our neighbors? The same goes for a good recipe or a good book. You want to share it!

So does the church love gay people? Love isn't always easy, but to those who profess to be disciples Christ, YES we love all people. We don't have to agree with their lifestyle to love them, and if their lifestyle disagrees with what we know to be true in God's law, then yes, we might be a little sad. But we'll have hope that as we follow Christ's perfect example and show our love through charity, service, and however else we can, that those around us will see the light of Christ in us and have a desire to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. Then they'll change, not because we wanted them to, but because we loved them enough to inspire them to want to.

If that doesn't happen, then we continue to show kindness and love. Nobody is perfect, but when we follow Christ he will strengthen us.

God is good. Study his words, pray always, and continue in the faith.

“We have to be careful that love and empathy do not get interpreted as condoning and advocacy, or that orthodoxy and loyalty to principle not be interpreted as unkindness or disloyalty to people. As near as I can tell, Christ never once withheld His love from anyone, but He also never once said to anyone, ‘Because I love you, you are exempt from keeping my commandments.’ We are tasked with trying to strike that same sensitive, demanding balance in our lives.”

- Elder Jeffery R. Holland at 2021 BYU University Conference